gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
