we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
