I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
