Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
