xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
