You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i now understand why vodka
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
