i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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