Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
