So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
