Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
