I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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