I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
