It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
