:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
