apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
