dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
