Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
