At least make sure they are 18
Why
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
