No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
