I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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