hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
