i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
