I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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