Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
