I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
