yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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