meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
