My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
