having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
