i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
