that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
