Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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