How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
