Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
