we're blogging at a bar
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
