thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
