Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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