Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
