the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
