Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
