you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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