does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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