He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
