Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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