The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
