You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
