the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
