shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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