spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
