Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
