based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
