I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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