You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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