if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
