I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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