I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
porn star boner night. come get it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
