Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
