He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
