it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
