YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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