The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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