census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's shark week go big or go home
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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