hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
