I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made out with two different species that night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
